Sometimes games have names that give you immediate clues on what to expect when you sit down and play - F.E.A.R., Burnout Paradise, Dead Space...
There are other times when not only does the title give no clue what to expect (hello Mirror's Edge) but they often end up being somewhat inappropriate too, at odds with the actual game itself.
If you're wondering what the hell we're jabbering on about, here are the main offenders that immediately spring to mind...
5. NINETY-NINE NIGHTS
SHOULD HAVE BEEN: Eight Hours
Okay, a bit of a stretch, and no-one is ever going to call a game 'Eight hours' which is roughly how long it takes to power through to the end credits.
But why Ninety-Nine Nights? Why not 98? Why not 100? Is it even mentioned in the story anywhere? We can't remember. We remember the bit where you unlock the troll and his special move caused the framerate to dip so low that the screen would freeze for a few seconds. Everytime we would get up to turn our Xbox 360s off thinking it had crashed, only for the game to suddenly kick in again, leading to an undignified scramble for the pad.
Which is good but doesn't explain what the hell 99 nights has got to do with anything.
4. DOUBLE D DODGEBALL
SHOULD HAVE BEEN: Dodgeball
Technically speaking, we suppose you could reinterpret a weird set of alien blobs in two different colours slowly shuffling about while a weird pixelly thing dances around the screen as dodgeball. If you squint hard enough. And have no idea what dodgeball is.
But why Double D? Given the male demographic, Yuke's track record (Rumble Roses) and what double D tends to mean in everyday speak... well, let's put it this way, pixellated aliens farting around is not what most people expected.
3. TWO WORLDS
SHOULD HAVE BEEN: One World
Go on then... where is it? Mayhap it's buried near the end of the game! Forsooth, verily has thouest not seen this second world, that would makest the Two Worlds name ring true.
In other words, where the flippin' fudge is the second world? Most people tired of the sludgy framerate, ye olde English dialogue and dull combat of the first world before ever discovering if there even was a second. Also loses marks for the sequel not being called Three Worlds (or Two Worlds Squared).
2. WANTED: WEAPONS OF FATE
SHOULD HAVE BEEN: Not Wanted: At All
Wanted! Ha! You wish! Because no-one actually wants Wanted. It's already missed the movie release by half a year, which is pretty much the equivalent of three decades in Hollywood, so it's probably banking its hopes on releasing alongside the DVD. If it's even coming out at all, that is.
Wanted is the equivalent of someone in a suit with too much money deciding that releasing a videogame of Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid would be a really good idea because the Special Collector's Edition is out soon. And even he doesn't want Wanted.
SHOULD HAVE BEEN: Medicore
Absolutely, without a doubt, unquestionably the most inappropriately named game ever made. It could have been salvaged had it stuck with its original moniker of Legendary: The Box, if only for hilaaaaarious Legendary-The-Box-written-on-the-box-for-Legendary style jokes. We thought of, oh, at least two.
But alas, it was decided Legendary was a better name for a forgettably average shooter, in which the highlights were a giant chicken attacking you at the start of the game and a magical power called - wait for it - animus.
Animus! Teehee! Do you see? If we ever have enough money, we're going to make a game called Unforgettable and give you a special power called Scrotumus in it. It'll be better than Legendary, of that you can be sure.