What a popularly hated game Angry Birds has become. These Bird-haters are characterised by avian apologists as too-cool-for-casual hipsters. Blind naysayers who just don't appreciate Rovio's vision. Rovio got there first, and it delivered an exquisite balance of rapid-replay compulsion, with perfection hunting providing the longer, hardcore game.
Addictive? Let's see. At the time of playing, there are 40,194 people on the leaderboard for Level 1-1. This level takes around ten seconds to complete. And yet, for Level 1-2, there are only 38,812 entries. That's 1,382 people (3.4 per cent) who spent £30 on a game, loaded it up with glee, then hoofed in their high-definition screens after approximately ten seconds.
This is the right response. I played much of Angry Birds to three-star completion on my mobile. But it was a brain-dead way to kill a commute, and I was listening to my own music. But sitting in your living room, and choosing to experience Angry Birds' time-obliterating repetition, and the sanity-corroding cacophony of non-stop chirruping and grunting? It's the kind of perversity that needs to be made illegal.
But it's addictive, right? Well, for Level 1-21, there were just 16,745 leaderboard entries. That's 58 per cent of players who had dropped away. And at the first progress point marked by an Achievement, Level 3-21, just 5,311 players remain. That's 86.8 per cent of people who don't agree with the apologists' idea that this is the quintessentially "addictive" game. Perhaps this failure on the big screen is why Rovio didn't pursue the generous model of cheap purchase and regular updates that made it a millionaire on iOS. I can't repeat it enough - 30 entire, British quid?
And that's the most poisonous thing about this: money. It's not the inadequacy of the thumbstick, the feeling that you're hitting the exact same wrong spot despite adjusting your position. Nor the cloyingly sticky physics, or the opaque, quasi-random nature of the scoring, that makes each level feel soul-destroyingly replayable. Angry Birds Trilogy just feels like simple cash-raking from a franchise that's displayed little-to-no creativity since the first bird was fired.
Vastly overpriced for what you actually get
- Looks good, runs well
- Price is insulting
- Where's Angry Birds Space?
- Just 19 new levels
- Sorry, explain the price again?