Halo 4's launching soon, and Microsoft plans to celebrate by abducting a bunch of fans and flying them to some mystery European location, there to endure unknown tortures. It's tough being a Spartan.
"Just five people in the UK will have the chance to embark on the ultimate adventure into the unknown to celebrate the launch of the latest instalment of the epic blockbuster franchise which has sold a staggering 43 million copies worldwide since launch in 2001," gushes the press release in question. This is how they trap us, children. With honeyed words.
"If the experience sounds shrouded in mystery, it's because it is," the release goes on. "Those lucky enough to be selected will be transported to an undisclosed European location for a top secret assignment where the "Halo" universe will be brought to life like never before." Hark. Do we hear the urgent slapping of a length of rubber hose?
Those who take the "leap of faith" will experience "exclusive access to the game" and have the chance to chat with 343, hopefully not in the context of a sheet of mirrored glass, a vocoder and a pair of handcuffs.
"Snippets of information will be released via Xbox's social media channels over the coming weeks to hint at the twists and turns of the quest. The dedicated hashtag #halo4experience has been created to help fans follow the story and aggregate their Tweets."
"Just 20 fans from across Europe will get to experience this "Halo" world first and once-in-a-lifetime experience, with a handful of media and bloggers joining them for the journey.
"To be in with a chance of attending, fans must complete the UNSC enlistment form at http://www.xbox.com/halo4-enlistment to qualify for evaluation. Applicants must be aged over 18, a resident of the UK and authorised to travel to an undisclosed location on Earth's continent of Europe on 30 October, 2012."
If you take them up on their offer, can we have first dibs on your boots?