You know when you meet a couple for the first time, and you think something uncharitable like "what on Earth is she doing with a bloke like him?" We feel that way about videogames and videogame genres sometimes. You'll spot concept art which positively screams "fantasy RPG", and find you're playing an FPS instead. What gives, Mr Videogame? Did you forget to check her Favourite Foods before booking that candle-lit dinner?
Our latest weekend feature is about unravelling these unlikely love knots, reassigning games to what we fondly consider their rightful nooks and crannies. No, we're not being entirely serious, so please refrain from burning Log's house down. And by all means add to the list.
1. Skyrim should be a flight simulator (Matt)
Free advice for Bethesda - cook up some Skyrim DLC in which the Dragonborn discovers a legendary ancient Dwemer vehicle known as 'The Bastard-Cool Biplane of Th'wegmerrek'. You could do a quest to repair it with a wizard or something, then spend the rest of the day dogfighting with dragons. I'm sure you've got other stuff planned for DLC, but there's still time to go back to the drawing board. Fus-ro-dah, old chap!
2. Trials Evolution should be a medical simulator (Matt)
Every time you crumple that poor man into a wall, somebody has to be there to pick him back up. In my alternative version of Trials Evolution, you play the surgeon who has to try and keep the crazy muppet alive. It'll be a bit like that game called Trauma Center, except without the bits where chunks of glass suddenly appear in a patient's heart.
Once you've repaired the man's broken body, it's back to the track for another attempt. Get through a couple of events without crashing, and the surgeon is allowed to get some sleep - recharging his sanity and stamina meters. The game ends when the surgeon either falls asleep from pure exhaustion, or questions the pointless cycle of limb-smashing to the point where he actually loses his mind. PEGI 12.
3. Gears of War should be an open world RPG (Ed)
There's literally no world I'm more eager to explore in depth than planet Sera, not least for its fascinating abundance of walls, rubble heaps and other means of ensuring that I go exactly nowhere Epic doesn't want me to go. Screw you, Epic! Your weird Nova Roma of a world has the loveliest architecture of any shooter I've ever played. And that's precisely why it needs to stop being a shooter right this instant, and start being something looser - a game that lets you trot off the beaten track to photograph an interesting rock. Just Because.
This would be incredibly easy to achieve. All Epic needs to do is design a Gears campaign starring the Locust. The Locust can dig, after all. They don't have to take any nonsense from chest-high walls.