Imagine you've just made a wholly unremarkable 2.5D platformer. The handling is woolly and imprecise. The scrolling stammers just enough to aggravate the eye, and you've just had the dispiriting revelation that playing your game doesn't inspire a sense of excitement and progress, but numbs players into moving joylessly forwards, their face muscles slackening as it dawns on them that this is all there is.
If you ever find yourself in that position, you've got two options: either put some work into your engine and gameplay, or slap a sassy pink-haired woman in the lead role and hope it's bought by empowered women and randy Manga fans alike.
Blade Kitten isn't awful to play, it just never breaks out of the mechanical to become fun. Fighting with your telekinetically controlled Darque Blade is a simple matter of ploughing through the enemies.
Sensing this is what everyone will do, the developer has been kind enough to give you health that regenerates very quickly. However, this regen eliminates an essential component of platforming - the need to look or care where you're going.
You can run into a laser around 20 times before it'll kill you. We deliberately mistimed one section, jumping on every platform as it caught fire, and made it to the other side with energy to spare. Why bother having a hazard if it's not damaging? Also, why can everything take advantage of the 2.5th dimension, except the girl with the telekinetic blade? Lacking tension, variety and punctuation, Blade Kitten is a pretty cutscene sandwich with no filling.
Like a bad blade - too long, and very dull